Should I be nervous that so many of my blog postings contain the "if I ever have a chance of dating you, please don't read the following" disclaimer?
If I ever have a chance of dating you, please don't read the following:
So. I went to the CAPS game today with a good friend. And it was a KILLER time. We're talking AWESOME. CAPS won, I rocked the red, (and managed to not get TOO much glitter on her husband's jersey,) and cheered my face off.
It was amazing.
So we were sharing a victory Chipotle burrito, in Chinatown DC, and we were doing EVERYONE'S favorite pastime- people watching. Now, we were doing what I'll call here "honest peoplewatching." We were noting the good as WELL as the bad. We were looking at couples that were well paired as well as some unfortunate girls in heels that were OBVIOUSLY killing them. Noting the happy and the miserable, the way-too-skinny and the perhaps-big-boneded. Just generally enjoying the mass of people swirling around the fishbowl world of our chipotle windowseats.
This cute guy who was apparently sitting next to me, listening INTENTLY- unbeknownst to me- all of a sudden crumpled his burrito wrapper, turned to me and said, "say five nice things about the people passing by us." So I started to. He cut me off and said "Well all I heard was a lot of negativity." Got up. Threw out his trash. Left. Walked in front of the window. I gave him a stunned finger-toodle wave, he did this "well, yeah. There you go. You know it," head-nod and kept walking.
And I have to tell you, it ruined my day. I embarrassed myself on the walk home from the metro because I was crying, walking in my neighborhood, in broad daylight.
HOW DARE HE. At least none of the things I said made anyone else feel like shit! I was talking to my friend, just having a perfectly NORMAL conversation.
He should have considered who he was talking to. Not to toot my own horn, but I am one of the most positive people I know. Did he ever consider that maybe half of the comments I was making were out of low self-esteem? Of all the clearly superficial perfect bitches in this world that have vacuous conversations, I'm the person he chooses to unload on. Everyone else on the planet gets to have those conversations, but not me. Not on this day. Nice positivity yourself there, asshat.
And it's SO weird to think that one would have any negativity from being a single girl in THIS city. Like this guy isn't one of the DC douchebags or DCDB's. Girls, you know who I mean- one of the light blue striped button-up shirt and khaki cargo shorts wearers with flip flops and some meaningless pseudo-tropical necklaces. They roll in packs. They ignore girls for the first 95% of the night, then proceed to give them hope. Then, when it's all said and done, they cut their losses and run, making the girl feel as though all of the signals were in her head. That they had nothing to do with it, using the poor girl's insecurity as a smoke screen to cover their exit. Each of them returning back to the pack so that they can all congratulate each other, put more gel in their hair, and head out to the bar again to rinse and repeat. And I'm the one putting negativity out into the planet. Whatever, bub.
It's hard because it comes on the tail of a little moment I had this morning. I was riding the metro to meet my friend, and I had all of this happy-go-lucky music coming on my ipod. I was just in the best of moods. I found myself realizing that I'm often in a good mood. I sent up a little prayer, in the middle of my metroride, thanking whoever is up there for my sunny disposition. I know not everyone comes by genuine excitement or happiness or contentment as easily, and I'm grateful that I'm wired that way.
I don't know if it was just too ironic an opportunity to get called out for sheer negativity or if I'm just delusional about what my supposedly "sunny outlook" really is.
Either way. If you meet that guy, have him respond to my ad. I'd like to explain myself.
The worst part of all was the kernel of truth at the base of it. I was uncharitable in my thoughts and in my words. I even thought to censor myself, but I thought "what the heck. They can't hear us. I'm just laughing with my friend. Everyone does it."
The worst part of all was that he was right.
And Lord knows you can't forgive a man for that.