Hello there, dear readers.
For those of you who I haven't scared off yet, I have an update.
So I am still mad at the entire population of men, but I'm not as close to nuclear meltdown as I was during my last post.
and Gollum- the hot boy from improv- he loves live Irish music.
Come.
On.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
"you're my exception" my ass.
I'm going to warn you up front: The following is going to be a man-hating, frustrated, ineloquent whiney rant about how love, romance, men, and modern society all suck. If you're currently in a good mood, someone I could have a shot with romantically, or easily bored, I recommend just moving on. Here are some other fun links you can read instead of this one.
To set the stage, I'll give you an update on my last post. My nerdmate, remember Gollum? yeah. Turns out he's a major asshole. In the course of our improv class, we had to tell bad date stories. Very cute. (For those of you who know me, I told the "Greased Lightning" story and wished I hadn't.) It comes to Gollum's turn, and he begins to turn me off more efficiently than any man ever has. He doesn't really "do" dates; he prefers casual hang-outs, (read: hookups.) He then talked about how he is the worst boyfriend ever and doesn't believe in, and I quote, "romance, dates, love, all that mushy crap." I'm amazed that the other people in the room couldn't hear the deafening fsssssssssssssst of my bubble swiftly deflating. I've heard this from lots of guys before, but Gollum somehow said it with such naked honesty and conviction that it counted for extra super-duper turn-off.
None of this is REALLY a shock, but it was still upsetting.
Also, the other cute guy from my class, we'll call him "plan B", def has a girlfriend. Yeah. Sweet. awesome. Even the way-too-short-guy-you-had-already-made-allowances-for-in-your-head has a girlfriend. I mean, he's a great person and all, but I thought he was flirting with me, but he probably wasn't and even if he was he's got a girlfriend so whatever just deal. Yes, I know that was one of the worst run-on sentences of all time. So sue me, I warned you this post would suck.
This final blow came after a trifecta of perfectly placed pieces of media that created the perfect storm of my current funk and motivated this post.
1. The movie "He's just not that into you." I saw it with my cousins because there was nothing else playing at the right time. It was pretty cute, lots of celebs in it, blah blah blah. The movie set up this whole new paradigm of rules which seemed to make sense to me. Most romcoms take place in a version of New York City that I would love to visit, but certainly have my doubts that it even exists. I kind of dug it. The main girl needed to shut her mouth sometimes, but she was much more honest than a lot of heroines. Then, after the movie spent all this time setting up the new rules, it broke them even worse than the usual tale of boy-meets-girl. Justin Long's character, after he has coached her in the ways to interact with men, lead her on, rejected her, then mooned after her once she finally calls him out, says "You're my exception." And it just pissed me off. SRSLY?!?!? This was only the beginning.
2. A couple of days later, I made the mistake of watching "The science of sexual attraction" or some such show. It was pretty interesting, and we enjoyed lobbing a few poorly timed and superficial comments at the scientists and the participants. Then, as they were doing a study to watch how just peoples' faces and voices were more or less attractive. The narrator said one sentence that stuck in my craw, "We each start with the most attractive and work our way down until we find someone who will accept us." Man, do I wish I had NEVER heard that sentence. Yeah, I know that its probably true. It's still just entirely too clinical and cavalier about the struggle of people trying to find one another in the bar jungle of our generation. Sidenote: I think the scale is tipped in the favor of men. The theories behind THAT will have to be a whole other post.
3. This was the lit fuse finally disappearing into the ACME made bomb, and its always the dumbest little things that will set us off. It was an article in Cosmo, the world's most prolific periodical, and it was in the section "to give to your guy." (It's really not that bad, but this was just the grain of rice that tipped the scale.) It said "do you want to show your girl that you care about her? Do her a favor. She's much more likely to be in the mood if she's not worrying about getting the oil changed."
...
...
...
ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME?!?!?! What kind of society do we live in where an article in biggest pile of dribble of ALL TIME has to explain to anyone, male or female, that if you care about someone, you should do nice shit for them. I feel like it is a sign of the romantic apocalypse. Romance is ENTIRELY dead. And not in the sense that I'm delusional and read romance novels and there are no princes on steeds or pirates at the helm, blah blah blah. I've known that was long dead. It's even worse than all that.
Think about it. Say that you're a male between 22 and 35. Why on EARTH would you want to have a girlfriend? I feel like none of them even want one anymore. You certainly don't NEED one. There is just as much pressure about a career as there always has been, so its a viable excuse to just say you're focusing on work. (Same goes for women, but its only the beginning.) Men, from what I can gather, are innately LAZY. Girlfriends take effort. It seems as though most would choose an entire weekend of playing 38 hours of a videogame with no sleep and 5 separate pizza deliveries than a relationship. They have YEARS more of reproductive viability, so that's not an issue. They have less pressure from family and friends to settle down. And if they wanted to actually have sex, **gasp**, not a problem. There are so many attention starved BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING women that if they feel randy, they can put on a stupid button-up shirt, head out to the local bar, hook up with some woman WAY out of their league with a shot of whiskey or a long island iced tea and a minor put-down, and there's really not any expectation of calling her again.
AND THIS IS JUST RANTING ABOUT THE LACK OF DATING SCENE.
Dating. Casual. Not committed. BIG SCARY THING, isn't it?
Don't even THINK the word "married", heavens to betsy, they all just get a runnin'.
Look. I know that this is hands-down the most psycho post of mine, but I'm really not that crazy. It was really not that long ago that it was reasonable for a girl to want to get married before she was 40. Or hell, to even want to kiss a guy without it being a deathwish for their friendship. And I'm not ready for anything major, it would just be nice to get to hold hands at the movies every once in a while.
The fact that its "trendy" to be an single, womanizing douchebag is unnerving though. We now expect this from our guys, and kind of hold it up with our barside banter and self-conscious hairflips. The standards we have all come to expect, and even perpetuate is the scariest part of all.
A wise woman once told me two words, and I hope they help me make it through this hurricane of romantic jackassery. She said "never settle."
And even though it may harder than ever, I don't intend to.
To set the stage, I'll give you an update on my last post. My nerdmate, remember Gollum? yeah. Turns out he's a major asshole. In the course of our improv class, we had to tell bad date stories. Very cute. (For those of you who know me, I told the "Greased Lightning" story and wished I hadn't.) It comes to Gollum's turn, and he begins to turn me off more efficiently than any man ever has. He doesn't really "do" dates; he prefers casual hang-outs, (read: hookups.) He then talked about how he is the worst boyfriend ever and doesn't believe in, and I quote, "romance, dates, love, all that mushy crap." I'm amazed that the other people in the room couldn't hear the deafening fsssssssssssssst of my bubble swiftly deflating. I've heard this from lots of guys before, but Gollum somehow said it with such naked honesty and conviction that it counted for extra super-duper turn-off.
None of this is REALLY a shock, but it was still upsetting.
Also, the other cute guy from my class, we'll call him "plan B", def has a girlfriend. Yeah. Sweet. awesome. Even the way-too-short-guy-you-had-already-made-allowances-for-in-your-head has a girlfriend. I mean, he's a great person and all, but I thought he was flirting with me, but he probably wasn't and even if he was he's got a girlfriend so whatever just deal. Yes, I know that was one of the worst run-on sentences of all time. So sue me, I warned you this post would suck.
This final blow came after a trifecta of perfectly placed pieces of media that created the perfect storm of my current funk and motivated this post.
1. The movie "He's just not that into you." I saw it with my cousins because there was nothing else playing at the right time. It was pretty cute, lots of celebs in it, blah blah blah. The movie set up this whole new paradigm of rules which seemed to make sense to me. Most romcoms take place in a version of New York City that I would love to visit, but certainly have my doubts that it even exists. I kind of dug it. The main girl needed to shut her mouth sometimes, but she was much more honest than a lot of heroines. Then, after the movie spent all this time setting up the new rules, it broke them even worse than the usual tale of boy-meets-girl. Justin Long's character, after he has coached her in the ways to interact with men, lead her on, rejected her, then mooned after her once she finally calls him out, says "You're my exception." And it just pissed me off. SRSLY?!?!? This was only the beginning.
2. A couple of days later, I made the mistake of watching "The science of sexual attraction" or some such show. It was pretty interesting, and we enjoyed lobbing a few poorly timed and superficial comments at the scientists and the participants. Then, as they were doing a study to watch how just peoples' faces and voices were more or less attractive. The narrator said one sentence that stuck in my craw, "We each start with the most attractive and work our way down until we find someone who will accept us." Man, do I wish I had NEVER heard that sentence. Yeah, I know that its probably true. It's still just entirely too clinical and cavalier about the struggle of people trying to find one another in the bar jungle of our generation. Sidenote: I think the scale is tipped in the favor of men. The theories behind THAT will have to be a whole other post.
3. This was the lit fuse finally disappearing into the ACME made bomb, and its always the dumbest little things that will set us off. It was an article in Cosmo, the world's most prolific periodical, and it was in the section "to give to your guy." (It's really not that bad, but this was just the grain of rice that tipped the scale.) It said "do you want to show your girl that you care about her? Do her a favor. She's much more likely to be in the mood if she's not worrying about getting the oil changed."
...
...
...
ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME?!?!?! What kind of society do we live in where an article in biggest pile of dribble of ALL TIME has to explain to anyone, male or female, that if you care about someone, you should do nice shit for them. I feel like it is a sign of the romantic apocalypse. Romance is ENTIRELY dead. And not in the sense that I'm delusional and read romance novels and there are no princes on steeds or pirates at the helm, blah blah blah. I've known that was long dead. It's even worse than all that.
Think about it. Say that you're a male between 22 and 35. Why on EARTH would you want to have a girlfriend? I feel like none of them even want one anymore. You certainly don't NEED one. There is just as much pressure about a career as there always has been, so its a viable excuse to just say you're focusing on work. (Same goes for women, but its only the beginning.) Men, from what I can gather, are innately LAZY. Girlfriends take effort. It seems as though most would choose an entire weekend of playing 38 hours of a videogame with no sleep and 5 separate pizza deliveries than a relationship. They have YEARS more of reproductive viability, so that's not an issue. They have less pressure from family and friends to settle down. And if they wanted to actually have sex, **gasp**, not a problem. There are so many attention starved BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING women that if they feel randy, they can put on a stupid button-up shirt, head out to the local bar, hook up with some woman WAY out of their league with a shot of whiskey or a long island iced tea and a minor put-down, and there's really not any expectation of calling her again.
AND THIS IS JUST RANTING ABOUT THE LACK OF DATING SCENE.
Dating. Casual. Not committed. BIG SCARY THING, isn't it?
Don't even THINK the word "married", heavens to betsy, they all just get a runnin'.
Look. I know that this is hands-down the most psycho post of mine, but I'm really not that crazy. It was really not that long ago that it was reasonable for a girl to want to get married before she was 40. Or hell, to even want to kiss a guy without it being a deathwish for their friendship. And I'm not ready for anything major, it would just be nice to get to hold hands at the movies every once in a while.
The fact that its "trendy" to be an single, womanizing douchebag is unnerving though. We now expect this from our guys, and kind of hold it up with our barside banter and self-conscious hairflips. The standards we have all come to expect, and even perpetuate is the scariest part of all.
A wise woman once told me two words, and I hope they help me make it through this hurricane of romantic jackassery. She said "never settle."
And even though it may harder than ever, I don't intend to.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Nerdmates.
OMG.
So hi all! It's been a while since I've posted.
Now, I have some juicy news. Well, not juicy yet, but it's kind of fun so I felt like writing about it.
So a few weeks ago, I signed up for an improv class. I did improv in high school and loved it, miss doing theatre, need more friends, yadda yadda yadda. So I signed up for a class with Washington Improv Theater, (WIT.) I've got to tell you, it's AWESOME. I'd like to end up on one of the troupes one day, but in the meantime, I get to laugh hysterically for 2 and a half hours every Tuesday. I loves it.
So, its the first class, and I was waiting for the 15 or so drop-dead-gorgeous, crazy funny, and all-about-me-guys to walk into class that I was expecting, and then HE walked in. All of the people in my class are AWESOME. There's a lot of energy, everyone is really funny and we have a great time. And I get to flirt with some of the guys so I can dust some of my flirtskillz off. They've been out of use for a while, (question mark?) When HE walked in, (we'll call him "Gollum" and you'll find out why in a minute,) I was pretty stoked. So this kid is supercute. Great jawline, pretty fit, quite funny and SO nice. Then, he started stealing my heart away.
Each week, I have gotten a little nugget from this guy about how MUCH we have in common. The first week, he made no less than 2 Lord of the Rings references. Which, you may well know, is one of my FAVES of all time. Then, via our weekly email listing thing, I found out that his email address has "Gollum" in it. So he's not just a little bit of a dork. It must be pretty serious.
Then, the next week, he made a reference to Step Up 2 the Streets. BEST MOVIE EVER. And not just like a little reference, but it was all-out and awesome. And I thought that I and my roommates I dragged to see the movie were the only fans. Nay. He is also counted among our ranks.
I then did some friendly Internet stalking, (a phrase which cracked my dad up. It's kind of cute really, the things old people giggle at,) and I found only one hit on him. A website in which he was selling off his "Magic the Gathering" cards. HUGE. CLOSET. DORK. I'm the biggest dork I know and I don't even play MtG. Although, after a friend said it had been used as a hilarious drinking game, it no longer sounds that crazy.
And then, last night, the final nail in the coffin was driven home. I found out that he, "Gollum," is... (take a huge breath,) a huge pirates fan. We're talking wants to get a parakeet and wear it like a pirate, has a picture of Johnny Depp as CAPT Jack Sparrow, skull and crossbones, and a ship in his house. I nearly choked. It must be a sitcom, I mean COME ON. WHO IS FEEDING THIS EXTREMELY HOT GUY THE LINES?!?!?!? In retrospect, its really like he's me trapped in a superhotboy's body. We are, as my best friend so adeptly coined- as she always does- nerdmates.
**sigh**
So now the question remains: how to proceed? Does this guy's nerddom extend to a social awkwardness around women so I should take the lead? Or has his face/body been used to his hotness, although I am not, so he's never had a problem in this department so I should continue with operation "breezy and awesome"? Sigh. Also, I fear that there are a few cons I should list. He's only 22, and 2 years isn't a lot, but he just graduated, so he's most likely looking for something different in the realm of romance than I am about now. He alluded to being a bit of a ladies' man, but again, that could be the totally truth or something any dork would say as an endearing, self-deprecating "I'm such a dork" joke, although that's probably just wishful thinking. Also, there is the bubble of the class- we all love the class and it is TOTALLY drama-free, so I feel it should stay that way.
**sigh again**
I fear that I may just have to let this one slide. It may be like being stuck in a rowboat having been stranded at sea for weeks and just letting a cruiseliner with a rock climbing wall and 24/7 buffet and open bar pass you by, but it may be the best answer.
Did I mention that he's in a similar line of work as me, wears glasses sometimes, has an adorable like duck-tail-in-front hairstyle and also made a Dumb and Dumber joke?
srsly.
nerdmates.
So hi all! It's been a while since I've posted.
Now, I have some juicy news. Well, not juicy yet, but it's kind of fun so I felt like writing about it.
So a few weeks ago, I signed up for an improv class. I did improv in high school and loved it, miss doing theatre, need more friends, yadda yadda yadda. So I signed up for a class with Washington Improv Theater, (WIT.) I've got to tell you, it's AWESOME. I'd like to end up on one of the troupes one day, but in the meantime, I get to laugh hysterically for 2 and a half hours every Tuesday. I loves it.
So, its the first class, and I was waiting for the 15 or so drop-dead-gorgeous, crazy funny, and all-about-me-guys to walk into class that I was expecting, and then HE walked in. All of the people in my class are AWESOME. There's a lot of energy, everyone is really funny and we have a great time. And I get to flirt with some of the guys so I can dust some of my flirtskillz off. They've been out of use for a while, (question mark?) When HE walked in, (we'll call him "Gollum" and you'll find out why in a minute,) I was pretty stoked. So this kid is supercute. Great jawline, pretty fit, quite funny and SO nice. Then, he started stealing my heart away.
Each week, I have gotten a little nugget from this guy about how MUCH we have in common. The first week, he made no less than 2 Lord of the Rings references. Which, you may well know, is one of my FAVES of all time. Then, via our weekly email listing thing, I found out that his email address has "Gollum" in it. So he's not just a little bit of a dork. It must be pretty serious.
Then, the next week, he made a reference to Step Up 2 the Streets. BEST MOVIE EVER. And not just like a little reference, but it was all-out and awesome. And I thought that I and my roommates I dragged to see the movie were the only fans. Nay. He is also counted among our ranks.
I then did some friendly Internet stalking, (a phrase which cracked my dad up. It's kind of cute really, the things old people giggle at,) and I found only one hit on him. A website in which he was selling off his "Magic the Gathering" cards. HUGE. CLOSET. DORK. I'm the biggest dork I know and I don't even play MtG. Although, after a friend said it had been used as a hilarious drinking game, it no longer sounds that crazy.
And then, last night, the final nail in the coffin was driven home. I found out that he, "Gollum," is... (take a huge breath,) a huge pirates fan. We're talking wants to get a parakeet and wear it like a pirate, has a picture of Johnny Depp as CAPT Jack Sparrow, skull and crossbones, and a ship in his house. I nearly choked. It must be a sitcom, I mean COME ON. WHO IS FEEDING THIS EXTREMELY HOT GUY THE LINES?!?!?!? In retrospect, its really like he's me trapped in a superhotboy's body. We are, as my best friend so adeptly coined- as she always does- nerdmates.
**sigh**
So now the question remains: how to proceed? Does this guy's nerddom extend to a social awkwardness around women so I should take the lead? Or has his face/body been used to his hotness, although I am not, so he's never had a problem in this department so I should continue with operation "breezy and awesome"? Sigh. Also, I fear that there are a few cons I should list. He's only 22, and 2 years isn't a lot, but he just graduated, so he's most likely looking for something different in the realm of romance than I am about now. He alluded to being a bit of a ladies' man, but again, that could be the totally truth or something any dork would say as an endearing, self-deprecating "I'm such a dork" joke, although that's probably just wishful thinking. Also, there is the bubble of the class- we all love the class and it is TOTALLY drama-free, so I feel it should stay that way.
**sigh again**
I fear that I may just have to let this one slide. It may be like being stuck in a rowboat having been stranded at sea for weeks and just letting a cruiseliner with a rock climbing wall and 24/7 buffet and open bar pass you by, but it may be the best answer.
Did I mention that he's in a similar line of work as me, wears glasses sometimes, has an adorable like duck-tail-in-front hairstyle and also made a Dumb and Dumber joke?
srsly.
nerdmates.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Inbloguration.
So if you're in DC, or traveled down here just for the occasion, you've heard about it. The dresses. The re-taking of the oath. The concert. The random guy who wrote "this land is your land" just wearing a flannel shirt like the people from the retirement home couldn't throw a coat on him. I went to the Mall on Sat, the concert on Sunday, and the big kahuna on Tuesday.
It was cold and miserable, but I'm glad I went.
I don't really feel like telling the whole ordeal, (I'm a little inaugurated OUT,) but I felt like it was something I should address. I guess. Whatever.
It happened, I'm glad, it was cold.
Although, to Barack- whom I really respect and wish all the luck in the world to:
no pressure.
It was cold and miserable, but I'm glad I went.
I don't really feel like telling the whole ordeal, (I'm a little inaugurated OUT,) but I felt like it was something I should address. I guess. Whatever.
It happened, I'm glad, it was cold.
Although, to Barack- whom I really respect and wish all the luck in the world to:
no pressure.
Friday, December 19, 2008
A Letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
Hello! I'm sure you've been FLOODED with fanmail, but I thought I'd add my letter to the fray, just in case you needed a little guidance on what to bring me. I know how hard it can be to get presents for people who don't even give you a HINT as to what they might want. So, I thought I'd be EXTRA helpful, like always :)
This year, I fear I have a pretty long list, so I know its not all likely to happen.
Here it goes.
- a mac. I know, I know. Pretty expensive, right? But I really need a computer that works so I won't want to DIE every time I make a playlist. And it won't take 2 weeks to update my ipod. AND I even promise I 'll be better about my writing! And I could get another computer, but I feel like I should just save up and get what works best for what I need. Wanna go in halfsies for it?
-The DVD of Sleeping Beauty- although I already asked my parents for it, so make sure you check with them first.
-New perfume. I don't really care what it is , but I've run out and I do like smelling pretty. I typically prefer scents that are unusual, and hopefully not too citrus-y.
-A job overseas. Not sure how much you can do for me on this one, but if you've got ANY connections, let me know and I'll send my resume.
-A new bra, preferably in a funky color.
-A boyfriend. Preferably Edward Cullen or Jack Sparrow. But even if that's not possible, an actual mortal would be just fine. Just someone to waste time with and enjoy one another's company.
Other qualities in this department are listed but not limited to:
Hello! I'm sure you've been FLOODED with fanmail, but I thought I'd add my letter to the fray, just in case you needed a little guidance on what to bring me. I know how hard it can be to get presents for people who don't even give you a HINT as to what they might want. So, I thought I'd be EXTRA helpful, like always :)
This year, I fear I have a pretty long list, so I know its not all likely to happen.
Here it goes.
- a mac. I know, I know. Pretty expensive, right? But I really need a computer that works so I won't want to DIE every time I make a playlist. And it won't take 2 weeks to update my ipod. AND I even promise I 'll be better about my writing! And I could get another computer, but I feel like I should just save up and get what works best for what I need. Wanna go in halfsies for it?
-The DVD of Sleeping Beauty- although I already asked my parents for it, so make sure you check with them first.
-New perfume. I don't really care what it is , but I've run out and I do like smelling pretty. I typically prefer scents that are unusual, and hopefully not too citrus-y.
-A job overseas. Not sure how much you can do for me on this one, but if you've got ANY connections, let me know and I'll send my resume.
-A new bra, preferably in a funky color.
-A boyfriend. Preferably Edward Cullen or Jack Sparrow. But even if that's not possible, an actual mortal would be just fine. Just someone to waste time with and enjoy one another's company.
Other qualities in this department are listed but not limited to:
- taller than me
- intelligent
- funny
- curly hair (not required)
- attracted to me (REQUIRED)
- man enough to gain my father's respect
- adventurous spirit
- must get along with my friends
- either share or indulge in my interests
- must not be TOO clingy, but still let me take care of him occasionally, while also returning the favor
so yeah. Santa, if you've been hording all of the ideal men up in your workshop at the North Pole, feel free to deliver them this year.
I've been good all year, for the most part, (and as you're always watching- you know the parts where I was slightly naughty, but I think we've already had that discussion.)
Please take care of all the elves, and tell Mrs. Clause I say hello!
Merry Christmas,
Maggie
P. S. As a note, this is meant to be in addition to all of the standard wishes for peace in the Middle East, a cure for cancer, and a pony.
Monday, December 8, 2008
mundane
So, it occurs to me as I read back over my meager blog entries, that I only blog when things are like LIFE ALTERING. So my blog is a bit more heavy-handed than I prefer.
So now, I shall endeavour to include life's funny little anecdotes as well as the universe-shifting ranting.
Mundane Entry #1:
Cubicle etiquette. Do coworkers appreciate hearing your juicy story from the past weekend? This occurs to me as a coworker tells me her THOROUGHLY juicy story from this past weekend. At one point, I actually got to say, "So are you going to get it tonight? THE JACKET I MEAN---- HI YOOOO!"
And then we were giggling at the DEAFENING throat clear from my septuagenarian cube neighbor. Usually, he laughs at my antics. And on even more unfortunate occasions, he contributes his own stories that would curl your hair. So does he find it funny? Is he offended? Or did he really just have a tickle in his throat?
thoughts?
So now, I shall endeavour to include life's funny little anecdotes as well as the universe-shifting ranting.
Mundane Entry #1:
Cubicle etiquette. Do coworkers appreciate hearing your juicy story from the past weekend? This occurs to me as a coworker tells me her THOROUGHLY juicy story from this past weekend. At one point, I actually got to say, "So are you going to get it tonight? THE JACKET I MEAN---- HI YOOOO!"
And then we were giggling at the DEAFENING throat clear from my septuagenarian cube neighbor. Usually, he laughs at my antics. And on even more unfortunate occasions, he contributes his own stories that would curl your hair. So does he find it funny? Is he offended? Or did he really just have a tickle in his throat?
thoughts?
Friday, December 5, 2008
Reality Check
So this is going to be a check-up on Maggie's grasp of reality.
Hmmm... open up and say "ahhhh."
Let me check your pulse and blood pressure.
Verrrrry interesting.
All vital signs are pointing to an imminent relapse of irrational desire. Symptoms last seen after the final Harry Potter book, and previous to that, the Return of the King, (if you don't know which series I'm talking about, you may as well stop reading now. It's only downhill from here.) What's the latest trigger? Vampires you say? How interesting.
That's right, I'm talking about Twilight. And I know, I know. We're just going to have to jump over all of the assumptions/eye rolling that just happened because I know. Words like "pathetic," "13 year old," and "pubescent," all just jumped to the foreground of your mind. And yes. I am all of those things. At least mentally/emotionally. Unfortunately, that's only the tip of the iceburg for all of the internal gazing I've been forced to do. I've gotta tell you, gentle reader, I'm Grade-A concerned. I mean, legit worried.
And I think I've been able to boil it down to my exact fear. Now brace yourselves, its going to be a bit of a doozy. Here I go.
I'm worried that I'm never going to feel anything as strongly or as passionately in real life as I am able to in my imagination.
There. It's out there. In the blogosphere.
So I think that I have kind of dealt with this in the past, and just kind of either gotten attached to a new piece of the Fantasy genre or eventually gone back to the monotony. Scratch that. I still watch/read/daydream about all of these things all the time.
The problem is, it isn't about the stories themselves. I loved the Twilight books, although they are definitely not the best written pieces of literature ever. And I would give the movie a B-. I mean, I thought Bella was great, better than I expected, and RobPat NAILED Edward, **swoon**, but they cut out too much dialogue. Whatever. Its not even about that.
For a while, I was wondering if I only loved these things because they were imaginary or impossible. I can't tell you the number of times I have thought and said "why is NOTHING that is cool REAL?!?!" If you've been around me at any length, I'm sure you've heard me utter these words. If not, I've definitely thought them around you. "Why can't at least one of them happen? Hogwarts? The Shire? The Black Pearl? Tattoine? Forks? Not even one? Not magic, nor hobbits, nor pirates, nor the force, nor vampires? NOT ONE?!?" Now that I look at it, I'm not sure these are required to fill the void their stories leave behind. Sure, any one of them would be amazing, but if something like that existed, would I even appreciate it? Maybe it does, but it doesn't seem as fantastic because it is possible.
Lord knows I am beginning to understand the people in costume at the RenFaire (**cough** **cough**,) although maybe not the stormtroopers just yet. And although I poke fun, I begin to realize I am in exactly the same boat they are in. And I suppose that there is a sort of comfort in the fact that other people feel as strongly and as wistfully as I do for stories that are not necessarily ours. The problem is, even if you are dressed in a funny outfit of another time and place, it almost seems like a mockery. It becomes more apparent that no matter how badly you want it, fantasy cannot become reality. The pirate hat is merely a tease. Going with just pretending is not going to be a full solution. at least not for me. Sure its fun, but it doesn't tackle the bigger issue.
No, I think the problem is easier to solve than that. The thing that links all of these imaginary universes together is the emotion the creatures in them feel. All of these stories are epic on some level. Some trial or struggle seems to be taking place. And the characters in them are responsible for way the story will end. To overcome the strife, the characters are tested. They must have bravery, fortitude, creativity, love, faith, strength, imagination. Any number of virtues each of us would want to discover in ourselves.
Maybe the issue is that I haven't been tested. What situation have I been in where I would get to see what kind of person I am? How brave would I be before a dragon? Would I be able to escape a prison to save someone I loved? Could I lead a group of people to their freedom despite all of the odds? Will I ever need to stand against fate for love?
There is one type of challenge that the Frodos and the Edward Cullens and the Jack Sparrows rarely face. The challenge of patience. Of facing monotony and apathy and mediocrity. The fact that some of these heroes are reluctant to go boggles the mind. They always seem to want the calm routine of home. I've seen that part- not so great. The question comes to mind, do they seek their challenges? Or do circumstances present themselves that give our heroes the opportunity to rise to the occasion?
So now, I suppose I must just resign myself to searching for my epic challenge. There must be tales yet to be told that will require the same level of emotion, right? If my choices are moping and daydreaming, or remaining hopeful, the choice seems simple. So now we arrive at the only productive result: resolve. I must use the epic strength of resolve to be patient and not only seek out whatever my own adventure is supposed to be, but also believe that I will find it.
And so, I check my map and compass, adjust my pack. I look around my group of companions with a wry smile and a light joke.
And we set out on the path that ends we know not where.
Hmmm... open up and say "ahhhh."
Let me check your pulse and blood pressure.
Verrrrry interesting.
All vital signs are pointing to an imminent relapse of irrational desire. Symptoms last seen after the final Harry Potter book, and previous to that, the Return of the King, (if you don't know which series I'm talking about, you may as well stop reading now. It's only downhill from here.) What's the latest trigger? Vampires you say? How interesting.
That's right, I'm talking about Twilight. And I know, I know. We're just going to have to jump over all of the assumptions/eye rolling that just happened because I know. Words like "pathetic," "13 year old," and "pubescent," all just jumped to the foreground of your mind. And yes. I am all of those things. At least mentally/emotionally. Unfortunately, that's only the tip of the iceburg for all of the internal gazing I've been forced to do. I've gotta tell you, gentle reader, I'm Grade-A concerned. I mean, legit worried.
And I think I've been able to boil it down to my exact fear. Now brace yourselves, its going to be a bit of a doozy. Here I go.
I'm worried that I'm never going to feel anything as strongly or as passionately in real life as I am able to in my imagination.
There. It's out there. In the blogosphere.
So I think that I have kind of dealt with this in the past, and just kind of either gotten attached to a new piece of the Fantasy genre or eventually gone back to the monotony. Scratch that. I still watch/read/daydream about all of these things all the time.
The problem is, it isn't about the stories themselves. I loved the Twilight books, although they are definitely not the best written pieces of literature ever. And I would give the movie a B-. I mean, I thought Bella was great, better than I expected, and RobPat NAILED Edward, **swoon**, but they cut out too much dialogue. Whatever. Its not even about that.
For a while, I was wondering if I only loved these things because they were imaginary or impossible. I can't tell you the number of times I have thought and said "why is NOTHING that is cool REAL?!?!" If you've been around me at any length, I'm sure you've heard me utter these words. If not, I've definitely thought them around you. "Why can't at least one of them happen? Hogwarts? The Shire? The Black Pearl? Tattoine? Forks? Not even one? Not magic, nor hobbits, nor pirates, nor the force, nor vampires? NOT ONE?!?" Now that I look at it, I'm not sure these are required to fill the void their stories leave behind. Sure, any one of them would be amazing, but if something like that existed, would I even appreciate it? Maybe it does, but it doesn't seem as fantastic because it is possible.
Lord knows I am beginning to understand the people in costume at the RenFaire (**cough** **cough**,) although maybe not the stormtroopers just yet. And although I poke fun, I begin to realize I am in exactly the same boat they are in. And I suppose that there is a sort of comfort in the fact that other people feel as strongly and as wistfully as I do for stories that are not necessarily ours. The problem is, even if you are dressed in a funny outfit of another time and place, it almost seems like a mockery. It becomes more apparent that no matter how badly you want it, fantasy cannot become reality. The pirate hat is merely a tease. Going with just pretending is not going to be a full solution. at least not for me. Sure its fun, but it doesn't tackle the bigger issue.
No, I think the problem is easier to solve than that. The thing that links all of these imaginary universes together is the emotion the creatures in them feel. All of these stories are epic on some level. Some trial or struggle seems to be taking place. And the characters in them are responsible for way the story will end. To overcome the strife, the characters are tested. They must have bravery, fortitude, creativity, love, faith, strength, imagination. Any number of virtues each of us would want to discover in ourselves.
Maybe the issue is that I haven't been tested. What situation have I been in where I would get to see what kind of person I am? How brave would I be before a dragon? Would I be able to escape a prison to save someone I loved? Could I lead a group of people to their freedom despite all of the odds? Will I ever need to stand against fate for love?
There is one type of challenge that the Frodos and the Edward Cullens and the Jack Sparrows rarely face. The challenge of patience. Of facing monotony and apathy and mediocrity. The fact that some of these heroes are reluctant to go boggles the mind. They always seem to want the calm routine of home. I've seen that part- not so great. The question comes to mind, do they seek their challenges? Or do circumstances present themselves that give our heroes the opportunity to rise to the occasion?
So now, I suppose I must just resign myself to searching for my epic challenge. There must be tales yet to be told that will require the same level of emotion, right? If my choices are moping and daydreaming, or remaining hopeful, the choice seems simple. So now we arrive at the only productive result: resolve. I must use the epic strength of resolve to be patient and not only seek out whatever my own adventure is supposed to be, but also believe that I will find it.
And so, I check my map and compass, adjust my pack. I look around my group of companions with a wry smile and a light joke.
And we set out on the path that ends we know not where.
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